Tag: emotional-health

The boys ran early through the forest, and I managed to prune my favorite wild roses, whose scent I adore. The lady at the garden center revealed a secret to me — if you prune them after each bloom, they’ll flower again. So all my roses bloom almost nonstop. You know, I once had a doll, like a hundred thousand years ago, called a “baby doll.” I got it from my aunt in West Germany. You won’t believe it, but the rubber head really smelled like wild roses for a long time. Maybe that’s why I love my ranch wild ones so much.

Yesterday, I visited Bon. The temperatures are tough on both of us… uh… mixed. The young one scans me every time — sniffing if I hid anything she might eat. I think I spoiled her a lot. What can I do? My whole herd is just so spoiled, hungry, and loved. What fascinates me the most — always — is their diverse personalities. I absolutely adore each one — each differently. I mentioned before the idea of glorification. It was about Bon, who saved me. I long thought about how to repay her — besides the obvious pampering — until a tragic SMS from a friend told me about the death of his close friend. Depression. Suicide. I thought then, that this is exactly it. Maybe someone will read it, try it. I wish to give Bon immortality. I love being with her, feeling her scent.

In winter, I come back from the stable totally frozen. I sit there like an embryo in the shower, pouring hot water over myself. I’m just always cold. Always have been. So I thought, considering these two aspects, maybe I could create something and… I started designing riding clothes based on my own needs. The sweatshirt has a scarf (a neck warmer) and a hood. It’s made of premium high-quality cotton. It also has zippered pockets — so my snacks won’t fly out. I absolutely love it! Every detail of this project excites me, drives me, sometimes moves me — especially when I write about my personal, difficult experiences. The whole thing is so coherent in my head. One thing leads to another. Everything connected by such different emotions — from extreme breakdowns that pushed me to create. First for myself, to get out of that mess, to forget about the overwhelming helplessness and, luckily, the apparent senselessness of this world, this life.

Those fears are necessary. They help us look at ourselves, get to know ourselves. They’re needed so that — after long, sometimes difficult work — we can find the feelings on the other side: peace, a sense of safety, and finally passion, fascination with life rediscovered — also thanks to the help of others. I wish my clothes would show this entire experience, or rather — its crowning with passion, ecstasy, feelings of closeness and simply love. Oh wow… I got carried away again. Maybe it’s because I’m touching different fabric samples, testing socks, choosing colors — and today the color samples for the vests are supposed to arrive. I love picking colors. It’s like interiors — a little flair to perfect the vision.