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Tag: change

  • August 2024

    August 2024

    Good morning! I’m so excited! A few days ago, Bon and I went out — a walk in the field. For an hour and a half, we wandered through forests and fields — magical! My mind is healing — despite a rough night last night. It’s an incredible feeling to come back to yourself. Some time ago — quite seriously ;) — I wrote about the meaning of the word tribute. After such a long prelude, I think I can finally mention who I want to pay tribute to with my (not only) writing — and actually, who I want to keep honoring continuously. Very consistently. Especially because I owe her my life. I couldn’t care less about Polish pathos. I thought long and hard about how to approach this without unnecessary exaggeration, avoiding any mannerisms.

    Bon — because she is the one standing on that pedestal — is the most wonderful story in my life, after the “blue-eyed girl with a beautiful soul.” For various reasons, too. Besides that, she teaches me constantly. At every meeting. She surprises me. She moves me when she recognizes my voice and greets me. After nearly sixteen years of interior design — which came from a huge passion for creating and shaping — I’m done. Just plain done. Absolutely not with creativity! I live from imagination, I love to see the world differently. But it seems that this “different” isn’t always understood. Somehow, my biggest motivation — to show a mission-driven approach to this work, that it can be done differently — began to disappear, until it was completely lost.

    There’s no point in doing something that stops exciting you. Life’s tough dramas made me make a decision that allowed me to breathe, to catch new energy — and my motivation became Bona herself. It felt like it took forever — trying to find myself. A split personality — wanting something else, but having to keep going the old way for obvious reasons. A vicious circle. Stepping out of the pattern, out of the comfortable chair you got stuck in — where you feel safe, but only seemingly — is hard. Hard doesn’t mean impossible. I think this transition was shown very vividly in a short film made in my studio at the time. I really wanted Pluszowa to appear in it. We filmed it a few years ago — maybe three. I think back then, subconsciously, I already felt I needed a different career path ;) Bona stood in the office, ending the film episode — though probably not only that.

  • Late June, 2024

    Yesterday, I visited my parents. While waiting for my dad, I walked behind the garage to the playground of my old elementary school — which now is barely recognizable. The field is overgrown with young trees. The remnants of the demolished walls are almost invisible behind the trees. It used to take me literally two minutes to get to school.

    The kitchen windows of my parents’ house partly overlook the old school playground. Straight ahead (once), there was a sandbox and the path we used to jump from for long jump practice. I remember one lesson, or rather staring at that sand from the kitchen window, eagerly waiting for my mother’s beloved stuffed cabbage rolls. Then I’d run to the chapel for afternoon religion classes. Those were the days.

    Yesterday, my childhood neighborhood left a depressing impression on me. Although some ladies in the same shops as always recognized me and smiled genuinely, the sad people wandering the sidewalks and the woman from the Żabka store — visibly worn down by life — made for a surprising sight. I get the feeling there’s a strange energy of doubt, emptiness, and dullness hanging over the place. Sad.