september 10, 2024

I had quite an emotionally tough weekend. I’m still taking care of my mind – with mixed results. Although I must admit, there’s a lot of euphoria in me. On Friday, a few unpleasant situations happened, and on top of that – damn it! – I started feeling nostalgic.

I started missing the deep, sexy voice and stormy eyes – which sometimes are like the sky. I probably should have written to my friend, something on a card – I know, I know – but I couldn’t hold back and sent a “bitter” message. Of course – I stepped into the ring and got hit hard.

I’m not writing about this without reason. I dedicated the whole weekend to “mental recovery.” Lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time on myself. I’m trying to understand where my various, often harmful, beliefs come from.

During yesterday’s session — incredibly exhausting — a lot came out of me. I felt drained all day. And you know what? I felt at peace with myself (though it’s a constant mental check), and with the situation that had been troubling me for months, I found out in the evening that we both feel abandoned.

I admit — it relieved me a bit, but you know what is the worst for me in this situation?!? The worst thing is the lack of action, communication, just — giving up. Although that’s probably also a very strong message, right?!

Can something beautiful happen between two people without communication, effort for the other person, or the willingness to understand their perspective?? Maybe I’m aging at a rapid pace, but — in my understanding — these are precisely the foundations of something good.

Besides the worn-out, yet obvious clichés like trust, love, respect. And at first, my heart beat stronger, but soon after, I quickly realized it makes no sense if we cannot communicate, condemning ourselves to sadness.

Such a pity.

Alright, I need to take meticulous care of myself so that the silent — though actually squealing — stagnation doesn’t consume me again.

For now, I’ve started creating simple reels — and I’m really excited about it, because I’ve never been into these kinds of activities before.

Tomorrow I’m going to a trade fair in Łódź, and that excites me too.

I’m thinking that even though old paths seem well-worn, safe, and “cozy,” sometimes you have to push yourself and go in a completely new direction.

One that will allow you to grow and experience something much more beautiful than we currently think we can have.

Alright, enough of these wise thoughts — I’m off to take the Youth to school and to the humble stable.

Have a fantastic day!